I am in a vortex of obligation.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize