we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Blood and glitter go together right?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
