At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
