So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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