Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
