She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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