Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
