Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize