We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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