I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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