I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
