"it" just moved
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
