My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
