How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
