remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
