Just fell off a train. Bad.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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