so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
