I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
