Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
