thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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