If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
