guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so let's talk penis.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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