Im at strip club and am horny
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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