So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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