It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
