Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
