I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
