did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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