beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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