just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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