I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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