no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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