how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
