How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize