Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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