Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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