alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
