I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
