Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm getting married
To pizza
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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