On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
