I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
