Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
