Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
