I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
