I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You are the jesus of drinking
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize