Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
