I'm lost and stupid without you.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
