it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
