what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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