At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Who died my cat blue again?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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