smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I am one with the molecules
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
