some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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