barbara walters just said penis...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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