oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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