peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
someone owes me an orgasm
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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