i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
