We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
