We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
