Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
