Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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