I only kidnapped one of them. chill
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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