Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
