I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
