i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
