In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
