get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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