i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
