Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
