Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
